Unforgiveness

When a transgression occurs, people might perceive it as hurtful, offensive, or both, leading to feelings of anger, fear, or sadness. If these emotional reactions persist, people sometimes enter a more enduring state of ‘unforgiveness’ (Berry et al., 2005).

What is unforgiveness?

Unforgiveness is an internal state that people experience in the aftermath of an offence, characterized by a complex combination of emotions (e.g., resentment, bitterness, hatred, hostility, anger, fear, depression), cognitions (e.g., an unwillingness to forgive, altered perceptions of the offender), and motivations (e.g., a desire for revenge, retaliation, or avoidance of the perpetrator; Stackhouse et al., 2017; Worthington, 2006; Worthington & Wade, 1999). For most individuals, unforgiveness naturally subsides without intervention (McCullough et al., 2010), but others may experience a sense of unforgiveness that increases over time (Worthington, 2020). 

Unforgiveness can also come and go:

Your resentment toward the wrongdoer could and sometimes does return. You may forgive someone and then dwell

“When we are hurt or offended by another person, we often have strong emotional reactions, like anger, anxiety, and sadness. If these emotions persist, we might experience what psychologists call ‘unforgiveness’. You could think of unforgiveness as being unable or unwilling to let go of something bad that has happened. Unforgiveness often causes people problems, but not always. Can we explore this information handout and see whether unforgiveness is relevant to you? If so, we can think about whether it is something you want to change or not.”

This handout can be used to introduce key concepts about unforgiveness:

• Am I experiencing unforgiveness? Unforgiveness is not simply a lack of forgiveness: it’s an unpleasant and stressful set of emotions, thoughts, and desires that people feel after being wronged.
• What are the consequences of unforgiveness? The effects can be beneficial as well as detrimental. Decide whether therapy should focus on reducing unforgiveness, or on

• Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, 19, 107-122. DOI: 10.1177/1524838016637079.
• Baskin, T. W., & Enright, R. D. (2004). Intervention studies on forgiveness: A meta‐analysis. Journal of Counseling and Development, 82, 79-90. DOI: 10.1002/j.1556-6678.2004.tb00288.x.
• Berry, J. W., Worthington Jr, E. L., O’Connor, L. E., Parrott III, L., & Wade, N. G. (2005). Forgivingness, vengeful rumination, and affective traits. Journal of Personality, 73, 183-226. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-6494.2004.00308.x.
• Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
• Exline, J. J., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Expressing forgiveness and repentance: Benefits and barriers. In M. E. McCullough, K. I. Paragament, & C. E. Thoresen (Eds.), Forgiveness: Theory, research, and practice (pp.133-155). Guilford Press.
• Gao, F., Li, Y., & Bai, X. (2022). Forgiveness and subjective well-being: A meta-analysis review. Personality